


The Rocky Road To Love

by AbuseAndReuse



Category: Guns N' Roses, Nirvana
Genre: A bit of fluff here and there, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Abuse, Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2018-10-15 19:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbuseAndReuse/pseuds/AbuseAndReuse
Summary: Kurt and Axl have had a thing going for awhile now. Whenever Axl is angry, he goes to Kurt, and whenever Kurt needs to feel something, he goes to Axl.But things are changing.Kurt is sinking into depression and Axl may or may not be falling in love with him.





	1. Chapter 1

They didn't know how it started. One minute they hated each other's guts and the next? Well, they didn't know what it was. It sure as hell wasn't a relationship. And it certainly wasn't healthy.   
Kurt stood in front of his bathroom mirror. He could see the full extent of damage to his body. His neck and collarbone was covered in harsh, purple markings. His hips were decorated with fingertip shaped bruises and he ached in every part of his body. He pressed his own fingertip to one of the bruises, hard enough to hurt a little. He gritted his teeth. Never again.he thought to himself. Axl could literally fuck himself. That was what he said everytime. 

Axl stood in front of his own bathroom mirror. He turned around to try and see his back. Long, angry scratches trailed all the way down his spine. He couldn't help grinning at the sight of them. He never expected Kurt to be so untamed. It turned him on more than anything. He gingerly touched the hickey that was just below his ear. He quickly covered it with his hair. 

"Nice piece of artwork you left on back."   
"Have you seen my fucking neck? Looks I've coloured it in with a black marker."   
Axl laughed low in his throat.   
"How are you?" He said.   
Axl always asked. He never stayed the night. But he always rang in the morning.  
"I can't sit down."   
Axl laughed again.  
"Don't be such a bitch about it. I'll kiss it better if you want."   
Kurt almost said yes.  
"No." He said, smiling just a little. "I think we should leave it for a little while."   
"How boring."   
A moment of silence passed over the phone between them.  
"You could still come over."   
Axl froze. This was new.  
"And do what?" He asked, mockingly. "A bit of knitting?"  
"No...I. Forget it."   
Axl rolled his eyes. Kurt was so damn sensitive.   
"Do you want me to come over?"   
Silence again.  
"No." Came the reply.   
Axl found himself feeling disappointed.  
"Alright. I won't. I'll call you later."   
"Fine."   
They hung up. 

Kurt went to get his needle and spoon. Axl went to find a willing girl.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jesus Christ." Said Krist, a little too loudly.  
Kurt waved a dismissive hand at him and went back to tuning his guitar.  
"What happened man?"   
Kurt didn't say anything. Krist new exactly what happened. He just didn't want to say it.  
"You were with him again weren't you?"   
Kurt put his guitar down.  
"So what if I was?"   
Krist sighed in frustration.  
"Look what he did to you."  
"Listen, this." Kurt gestured to his neck. "Was all consensual. He didn't rape me or anything."  
"That's not the point."   
Kurt huffed impatiently and stood up.   
"Where are you going?"  
"I need a cigarette." 

Kurt sat on the steps outside. The cigarette didn't really help but Kurt was willing to try anything.   
"Those things will kill you you know."   
Kurt turned his head and saw Axl walking cockily towards him.  
"You better have a few then."   
Axl sat down next to him and Kurt offered him a cigarette. They smoked in silence for awhile.   
"Lemmie see you neck."   
Kurt arched his head back to give Axl better view. Axl winced slightly and gently touched the bruising with the back of his hand.  
"Ouch." He said. "I'll be a bit gentler next time."   
"You coming round tonight?"   
Axl nodded.   
"Yeah. I'll be round." 

"Where are you going in such a hurry."   
Nothing could get past Izzy. Not even Axl as he tried to navigate his way around his bandmate, who was currently blocking the front door.  
"Out of my way Iz. I've got somewhere to be."   
"I'm not letting you go anywhere until you tell me where you've been going all this time."   
Axl sighed but he realised that he probably wasn't going to get anywhere unless he told Izzy.  
"You know that Kurt Cobain guy."   
"Yeah." Said Izzy, already knowing where this was going.  
"Well, I'm sort of sleeping with him."  
Izzy kept his poker face going but Axl could see that his friend was not impressed.  
"You know that guy is really fucking unstable right?"  
"Yeah so?"  
Izzy scoffed.   
"You don't get it do you? If you fuck around with him like you always do, he might top himself."  
"He's not going to top himself. There's no feelings involved in this."   
"How do you know?"  
Axl started to talk but cut himself off. How did he know? This was not something they had talked about.   
"I know that I probably won't be able to stop you." Izzy said eventually. "But I'm just going to ask you to be careful. You don't want a man's death on your hands."   
Axl rolled his eyes, convinced himself that Izzy was just being over dramatic, and left the house.

Later that night, Axl lay in Kurts bed, the younger man curled up next to him. Izzys words kept repeating in his head. He hadn't left yet. He tried to will himself to move but didn't.   
"Kurt?" He called out softly.  
"Yeah?"   
"What do you think about?"  
Kurt sat up. Surprised by the question.  
"I don't know."  
Axl sat up as well.  
"You must know. What were you thinking about before I woke you up?"   
"Nothing. I try not to think about stuff if I'm honest."   
"Why?"   
Kurt was silent for a moment.   
"My thoughts scare me." He whispered.   
It was Axls turn to fall silent. He swallowed in a nervous manner.   
"You shouldn't let them scare you. You're one of those people who lets their thoughts run away with them."   
"You don't know me."  
"I know you better than you think I do."   
Kurt shook his head and laid back down and Axl knew he wasn't going to get anything else out of him. He laid down as well and, if Kurt inched closer to him during the night, he didn't mention it.


	3. Chapter 3

They never really fought. It was kind of surprising really but they rarely angered each other. Sometimes Axl took too long in the bathroom and Kurt played his guitar at an ungodly hour but, apart from that, their relationship went smoothly. 

It was during sex that they had had a major fall out. They were angry anyway and were taking their frustration out on each other. Axl had said something about Kurts heroin addiction and the younger man immediately shot back with a remark about Axls childhood abuse.  
"You probably made it up for attention anyway." He had said with gritted teeth.   
Axl had roughly pulled out of him, making Kurt cry out, and stormed downstairs. He had remained down there for an hour. Sitting on the couch, trying not to cry. He didn't cry. He wasn't like that. But when Kurt came down and wrapped his arms around him, he couldn't hold out any longer. He had tried to resist but he found himself leaning into Kurt as he whispered apologies into his ear. They went to sleep after that and, when they awoke, Axl made Kurt promise that he wouldn't mention the incident again. 

Kurt had agreed but that night never left his mind. Axl had cried in front of him and that was something you couldn't forget in a hurry. Axl showing any type of emotion was rare. But when it did happen, Kurt was almost grateful to witness it. When he was angry, Axl would grab Kirt by the waist, push him against something solid and kiss him breathless. When he was full of happiness, he would grab Kurts hand and interlock their fingers. Sometimes he craved affection, sometimes he rejected it. 

Kurt always wanted affection. If Axl was staying the night, Kurt would curl himself up against his back. When they were on the couch, Kurt would regularly fall asleep on the older man's shoulder. He desired Axls touch when he was angry, happy or sad. He craved it all the time. That was what worried him. 

Axl was in the middle of a band rehearsal when Kurt showed up at the studio. Axl was about to tell him to leave but when he saw tears in Kurts, he quickly lead him to the nearest broom closet. Not the best place but at least it was private.   
"What's wrong?"   
Kurt shook his head as a single tear left his eyes.   
"I don't know. I just needed to see you."   
Axl had granted him a soft smile and kissed him gently. They ended up having sex in that closet. It wasn't like how it usually was. It was slow, some would even call it loving. After their climaxes, Kurt had clung to Axl as he cried quietly. Axl had held him just as tight. They then cleaned themselves up and didn't mention it again. Axl never did find out what had made Kurt cry.


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt wasn't proud of his heroin addiction. Just because he injected the drug into his veins, doesn't mean he enjoyed it. It was a coping mechanism that he had had for several years now. Axl would sometimes watch the younger man shoot up. He would be both entranced and disgusted. He would watch Kurt expertly push the needle into his skin, his face not showing any signs of pain, and then his body would tense and relax as the drug filtered fully into his system. Axl had always believed that there was some sort of beauty in destruction and Kurt was certainly no exception. However, Axl cared enough to want Kurt away from drugs.  
"Do you know what it's doing to you?"   
Kurt shrugged.  
"Killing me from the inside out?" He snapped.   
Axl rolled his eyes and laughed in a irritated manner.  
"Do you not care at all?"   
"Do you?"   
Axl had paused.   
"What if I did?"   
Kurt looked away from Axl's gaze.  
"You don't care." He said in a low voice. "I'm your fucktoy. Nothing more. You wouldn't give a shit if I dropped down dead."  
It was then that Axl simply lost control over his own actions. He grasped a fistful of Kurt's hair and crashed their lips together. The conversation was then forgottenabout. 

The next morning, Axl woke up before Kurt. On his way to the bathroom he found one of Kurt's needles. He turned it over in his hands and rested the needle against his skin.   
"What are you doing?"   
Axl whipped around and saw Kurt leaning against the doorframe. He came and took the needle from Axl's hands.   
"You never use another man's needle. You should never use one at all."   
Axl didn't know what had stirred within him when those words left Kurt's lips. He looked so ashamed and sad that Axl pulled him into a hug. Kurt hugged him back, threw the needle in the trash and they left the bathroom. Another moment that they wouldn't talk about.


	5. Chapter 5

"Do you ever think about love?"   
Axl had turned his head to look at Kurt in the darkness. They were laying in bed, bodies barely touching.   
"How do you mean?"   
"Well, have you ever been in love?"   
Axl scoffed.   
"What are we? A couple of teenage girls?"  
Kurt let out a sigh and started to sit up.   
"If that's how you're going to be."   
Axl grabbed Kurt's shoulder and gently pulled him back down. They were a bit closer together now.  
"I was only kidding." Axl said. "I haven't really had any reason to be in love. No one's ever loved me."   
Kurt hesitated and licked his lips nervously.   
"What if someone did love you?"   
"Then I'd tell them that they were making an awful mistake. I'm not into love."   
They were silent for a moment.   
"What about you? You ever been in love?"   
Kurt paused.   
"Yes. But I don't think he felt the same." 

Something was happening. Axl couldn't put his finger on it. He and Kurt had been meeting more frequently. Not just for sex. They met just for the hell it. They'd go for a walk, play guitar together or just talk. The other day, they were eating dinner together and Kurt had flicked some food at Axl who had responded in kind. They had laughed and Axl had felt happier than he had in a long time. He found himself thinking about Kurt a lot more than he should. Every time he had a conversation with someone, Kurts name would come in somewhere. He wasn't the only one who had noticed.   
"So what the deal with Kurt?"   
Axl had looked at Slash with a glare that could kill.   
"What's that got to do with you?"   
Slash fought the smirk that threatened to appear on his face.   
"Do you love him?"   
"No." Said Axl, a little too quickly.   
Slash's jaw dropped.   
"You do don't you?"   
Axl scoffed.   
"No I don't. What we have is..." Axl paused as he tried to think of the right word. "A relationship of convenience. When we need to get laid, we know where to go."   
Slash shook his head. His almost gleeful expression thankfully hidden by his wild curls.   
"I don't think that's it. I think you're a bit too scared to admit that you may love this guy."   
Axl simply shook his head but didn't say anything more. 

Kurt had woken up alone. He hated that. He tried to will himself up from the bed but couldn't. Instead he had laid there. He found himself tracing his forehead with his fingertips. Axl had kissed him goodbye before he left. He thought Kurt had been asleep. Kurt's stomach had erupted with butterflies in the most cliche way possible. But the feeling had vanished very quickly when he remembered what Axl had told him.   
"I'm not into love."   
Kurt closed his eyes and rolled over, burrowing himself into the pillow which still had Axl's scent embedded into it. Who was he kidding? Axl didn't love him. Who could love someone like him? 

They didn't see each other for a week after that. A few excuse ridden phone calls were all that had passed between them. Axl was more snappy than usual and the amount of heroin Kurt had brought was more than usual. Both of them looked pathetic. 

Kurt sat in front of his telephone. He had been psyching himself up for the past hour and his confidence was fading with every extra minute that passed. He had to do this. He picked up the phone and dialled the number.  
"Hello?"   
"Hi. It's me."   
"Kurt?"   
"Yeah. Urm, Axl we need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay. Talk."   
Kurt ran a hand through his hair nervously. His palms were starting to sweat. How did he word this? How does anyone word what he was trying to say? Should he just hang up? Say that he was sleep walking?   
"Kurt."  
"Uh? What?"   
He heard a laugh from Axl's end.  
"Just making sure you were still there."  
"Oh."   
Kurt swallowed.   
"Urm, yeah. I've got to talk to you."   
"I know. You've said. What is it?"   
"Okay. I'm going to say something and, even if you don't like what I have to say, you're going to stay on the phone with me and you're not going to be a dick about it."   
There was a pause.  
"Okay."   
"Right. Axl. I love you."   
Another pause.   
"Axl?"   
"Are you high right now?"  
"What? No. It's true."   
"I've got to go."   
Kurt started to panic.   
"What? Axl..."  
He had hung up.  
Kurt couldn't speak. This was it. He had fucked up.

Axl paced his room. What the fuck just happened? Kurt couldn't love him. They didn't start this relationship to fall in love. Feelings were supposed to come into it. Surely they both knew that. Obviously not. Axls pacing became more angry as he tried to refrain from punching a hole in the wall. He didn't try hard enough. He looked at his bleeding knuckles.   
"You fucking idiot." He whispered to himself.   
And before he knew what was going on, he was crying.

Axl was awkem early the next morning by a phonecall. He groggily picked it up.  
"What?"   
"Hey asshole."   
Axl sat up.  
"Who is this?"   
"Krist. Friend of the person you fucked over."   
Axl ran a hand over his face.  
"Kurt told you?".   
"He didn't have to. I was thinking about smashing your face in but he was asking for you."   
"Is he okay?"   
"I don't know. I'm at the hospital."   
Axl was now fully awake.   
"What? What happened?"   
"He overdosed." 

Axl had never been so panicked. The drive over to the hospital was horrible. He was thinking the worst. He found Krist sitting outside of Kurt's room.   
"You." He snarled.   
Axl pushed him away. Not in the mood for confrontation.  
"What the fuck happened? How did he overdose?"   
"I think you know exactly what happened." Krist said in a low voice. "You fucked him over and he decided he didn't want to live on this fucking planet anymore."   
Axl turned away from Krist and rubbed his eyes. He was not going to fucking cry in front of Krist.   
"I found him. Just laying on the floor, rapidly losing consciousness. He was mumbling your name. I hope you're damn proud of yourself."   
Axl angrily shoved Krist against the wall.  
"Do you think I ever meant for this to happen? Do you think that Kurt means nothing to me? Has it ever occured to you that I might love him."   
"You have a funny way of showing it. It's your fault he's like this."   
"I panicked. I know. It was stupid and I wasn't thinkingI regretted it as soon as I had done it. But I love that stupid fucker just as much as he loves me."   
Just then a nurse came out of the room. She looked at them cautiously.  
"He should be waking up soon."   
"He's okay?" Axl whispered.  
"He should make a full recovery. He did have a lot of heroin in his system."   
"Can I see him?"   
"No." Said Krist.  
"I'd like to fucking see you try and stop me."   
Axl shot a piercing gaze at the bassist.  
"Well." Said the nurse. "You can go in first and then your companion can go in later."   
Axl nodded and sent a small smile at the nurse. He then went in the room. 

Kurtlooked a state. He was thinner than he should have been, his face was deathly pale. If it wasn't for the rising of his chest, Axl would have feared that he was dead.   
He pulled up a chair to sit by Kurt's bed. He looked him over and tears filled his eyes. He gently took Kurt's hand in his own.   
"You stupid fucker. What did you do that for? You know what I'm like? You should have known that I'd react like this. Of course I feel the same. I just freaked out. It was wrong of me and if I could take it all back I would. I would have said I loved you right back. Because it's true."   
Axl brought Kurt's hand to his lips.   
"The nurse said that you're going to be alright. So wake the fuck up and tell me what an asshole I've been."  
"Asshole."   
Axl looked up and saw Kurt's tired eyes opening. He sent a small smile in Axls direction.   
"You're the biggest asshole I've ever met."   
Axl found himself laughing. He stood up and pulled Kurt into a tight hug. He then pulled away and kissed him.   
"I'm so glad you're okay. Never do that again you fucker."   
They kissed again before pulling away.   
"Did you mean it? What you just said?"   
Axl didn't even look embarassed. He smiled softly and pressed his lips to Kurt's again.  
"Every word."


	7. Chapter 7

Krist stood outside the hospital room with his ear pressed carefully against the door. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Surely Kurt wasn't going to fall for Axl's bullshit lies. How can you love someone if you drive them to suicide. It just didn't make sense to him. He jumped back from the door when he heard movement. He glared at Axl as he walked out.  
"He wants to talk to you."  
Krist scoffed.  
"Don't think you can just waltz back into his life after what you did. You may have pulled the wool over his eyes. But I know what you're doing."  
Axl crossed his arms.  
"And what exactly am I doing?"  
"You're lulling him into a false sense of security. You're going to wait until he gets stronger and happier, and then you're just going to break his heart. Again."  
Axl huffed impatiently. He put his hands in the air, in mock surrender.  
"Well." He said. "Looks like my plan has been foiled. I'll have to watch my back around you Krist."  
And with that, he walked away.  
"Asshole." Krist muttered angrily, pushing open the door to Kurt's room. 

Kurt smiled when he saw him. Krist hadn't seen Kurt smile that wide in weeks.  
"How're you doing man?" He asked.  
"I'm alright. I just wanted to thank you."  
"What for?"  
Kurt laughed. Something else Krist hadn't seen him do in weeks.  
"For saving my life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."  
Krist smiled and took Kurt's hand in his. HIs smile soon faltered.  
"You wouldn't be in this position at all if t wasn't for Axl."  
Kurt frowned and withdrew his hand from his friend.  
"Don't do this."  
"Do what? He's the reason for this."  
"He's not. He doesn't know how to deal with feeling so he can be cruel without realising."  
Krist laughed humourlessly and started pacing the hospital room.  
"Why are you giving excuses for him? How can you just forget what he did?"  
Kurt held up a hand in an attempt to pacify his friend.  
"Just listen to me for a moment."  
Krist looked hard at his best friend.  
"I knew what Axl's reaction would be. I knew that it would probably end up like this. But I did it anyway. I should've known that I'm too fucking sensitive to deal with rejection. We were both too fucked up in the head to deal with a love declaration. But I did it because its true. I do love him. He makes me feel good Krist. He makes me feel so wanted and I feel safe with him. You don't know him like I do. So you'll never undertand what he means to me."  
Krist was lost for words. He looked into Kurt's deep, honest looking blue eyes. There were no lies there,  
"Be that as it may. Its going to take a fuck load of years before I even consider forgiving him."  
"I understand. But can you please just try and be civil? For me?"  
Krist leant forward and pressed a kiss to Kurt's dirty blond hair.  
"For you." He said. "Now, call me a mothr hen, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to be living on your own for awhile. So, do you want me to come to yours and do you want to come to mine?"  
Kurt looked down nervously.  
"Actually." He mumbled. "I'm going to be living with Axl."  
"You've got to be kidding me."


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know if anyone is still reading this. I don't know what to do with it. I've hit a major writers block and need some ideas. If anyone still reads and has ideas then let me know.


	9. Chapter 9

"Can you believe him?" Krist ranted.  
Dave raised his head from where it had been resting in his drum kit. Krist had been ranting for nearly 2 days straight and Dave was slowly losing his mind.   
"You need a hobby." He muttered.   
Krist looked annoyed.  
"You don't get it. I've seen these situations before. You think you're in love and everything's fine for awhile. But then, all of a sudden, you're dumped and your heart is broken. And then you don't know what to do with your life."  
"Maybe you should accept that Kurt is old enough to know what to do with his life and he can look after himself."   
Dave was aware of how patronising he sounded. But he really wanted Krist to move on with his life.  
"Whatever. We need to practice and our beloved front man isn't even here. I'm going to go and get him."   
Krist ran out of the studio and Dave placed his head back on his drums.  
"Yep." He muttered to himself. "He definitely needs a hobby." 

Kurt rarely slept late and was often awake by early morning. But lately, he had been so contented and his dreams were so calming, that he hasn't been able to resist sleeping late into the morning.   
Eventually, when he had mustered the effort to open his eyes, he sat up slightly to look at the clock.  
"Shit." He whispered to himself.   
"Id rather you didn't."   
Kurt rolled over in the bed to see Axl smirking at him.   
"How long have you been up?" He asked.   
"About an hour."   
Kurt sat up fully.   
"And you didn't wake me?"   
Axl scoffed.   
"You were sleeping." He shrugged.   
Kurt laughed and leant down to give his boyfriend a kiss.   
"If the band ask why I'm late, I'm gonna blame you."   
Axl let out a bark of laughter.   
"Please do." He said. "Krist will be delighted to hear that we've reached a stage of domestic bliss."   
Kurt rolled his eyes.   
"Krist is just being a bit over protective."   
"He's being a bit of a dick."   
Just then, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Izzy then came in before they could answer.   
"We could have been doing anything." Axl snapped.   
Izzy shrugged.   
"At least I knocked." He shrugged. "I just wanted to let you lovebirds know that Krist is at the door demanding your presence."   
"Fuck sake." Kurt muttered. "Tell him we'll be down in a minute." 

Krist wasn't a massive fan of Guns N' Roses. Never had been. Probably never will. So when Steven decided to come up to him and ask him if he had seen his stuffed unicorn, Krist had cursed everything in the entire fucking world.   
"I'm sure i left it in the kitchen." The drummer said, scratching his head.   
"We'll why don't you look there then?" Krist said through gritted teeth.   
Steven rolled his eyes dramatically.  
"I've already looked there." He practically shouted.   
Krist was actually relieved when Kurt and Axl came down the stairs.   
"Axl." Steve called. "Have you seen..."   
"It's in the bathroom." Axl said, gently pushing away his high as a kite drummer.   
"What have you been doing?" Krist asked, turning his full attention to Kurt. "We're meant to be making a record."   
Kurt placed both hands up in surrender.   
"Sorry. I lost track of time."   
Krist turned and headed for the door. While Kurt turned to Axl.   
"Have fun." Axl said teasingly.   
Kurt pretended to press a gun to the side of his head.   
"I'll try." He said.   
They kissed softly and Krist tried to ignore it.  
"I love you." Axl said as they pulled away.   
Kurt smiled wide.   
"I love you too."   
Axl caught sight of Krist's scowl and grinned at him.  
"Love you Krist." He sang loudly.   
Krist scowled even more and walked out the door.   
"Asshole." He said.


	10. Chapter 10

Kurt was sitting up in bed when 3 am struck on the clock and he wasn't sure whether to classify the time as early or late. He eventually decided on early.   
His eyes were beginning to water due to the strain of keeping them open and he was slightly slumped because he had made a vain attempt to get comfortable. It didn't matter how tired he was. He was not going to get any sleep tonight. His brain had decided that that night was the perfect night to evaluate life from beginning to end.   
Kurt never expected to get better straight away. Of course he didn't. He had dealt with depression for the majority of his life and he had attempted suicide a few months ago. That wasn't going to go away with the snap of his fingers. Everyone knew that. Yet somehow, Kurt felt content. There was no extra voice in his head. There was no great void of loneliness that drowned him. He had friends and family. And Axl. Especially Axl.   
He had down days. Like anyone. There were days when he didn't want anyone around him and he would remain in the bedroom all day. There were days when he craved company. He would wrap his entire body around Axl and cling onto him for hours. Axl never complained. Even when his entire body started to cramp up. Kurt would spend the entire day with his boyfriend's bandmates, who were quickly becoming his best friends. Slash would teach him nifty guitar tricks, Duff would take him on a road trip, Steven would tell stories and Izzy would sit him down and allow him to get things off of his chest. They all understood and they always did everything they could to help.  
Kurt felt Axl shift in his sleep next to him. He smiled and moved some of the long, copper hair away from his boyfriend's face. Kurt softly searched for Axl's wrist and placed his fingers over his lover's pulse. It always calmed him. During any panic attack or any breakdown, Axl only had to offer his wrist and the soft beats would bring his partner back to reality.   
Kurt still had a long way to go before he could class himself as a completely happy person. But he was content for now. He closed his eyes.  
And slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings to those who still may, or may not, read this. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. This chapter, although quite short, is kinda special as it's based on myself. Hope you like it


	11. Chapter 11

Axl had seen what drugs could do to people. They had followed him his entire life and it seemed as if everyone he loved was on deaths door because of the shit they put in their bodies. Izzy and Slash, his best friends who he admittedly couldn’t live without, Steven, someone who drove him up the wall but also someone whom he was extremely fond of. And Kurt. The person who had overdosed on heroin because he believed that Axl didn’t love him.   
There had been arguments. Of course, there had been. There had been days when Kurt would throw his stash in the garbage and call it a day. But he would be shooting up by evening. It also provoked a lot of conflicts between Axl and his bandmates. Axl couldn’t count on two hands the amount of times he had threatened to kick Steven out of the band. Steven would then kick off at Kurt. 

“Leave him out of this.” Axl had shouted during one particular fight. “He’s got nothing to do with it.”  
“He’s got everything to do with it. You’re such a fucking hypocrite. You tell me to either get clean or get out. But when he’s off his fucking tits, he’s still allowed in your bed.”   
“It’s not nearly the same thing and you know it. You also know that he’s trying to get clean which is a lot fucking more than what you’re doing.”  
Steven laughed bitterly and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.   
“Is that what he’s been telling you? You really fucking think that he’s been getting himself all clean and fucking shiny for you? He’s been shooting up with me when you haven’t been around.”   
Steven could see that Axl was becoming more and more agitated. Any normal person with a shred of survival instinct would have stopped by now. Steven wasn’t most people.  
“Your boyfriend is lying to you Axe. What are you gonna do about it?”  
This was a natural occurrence. Axl and Steven would shout. Everyone else would join in. Axl and Kurt would go somewhere private to shout at each other and Kurt would make the same empty promises. And Axl would believe them and take his troubled boyfriend to bed. And that would be it. 

It’s not as if Kurt wasn’t trying. It was just hard to get clean when he lived in a house with so many junkies. This caused a lightbulb to go off in his head one night.   
“Axl.” He whispered, shaking his sleeping bed mate. “Axe.”   
Axl whined slightly in his sleep and curled up closer to his partner. Kurt rolled his eyes and leaned over Axl to stuck his tongue into the older mans ear. Axl, who hated the idea of anything coming any where near his ear, shot up in bed with a look in disgust.  
“What the fuck did you do?” He angrily whispered, covering up his ear in shock.  
Kurt giggled slightly.   
“I did what I had to. I’ve got an idea to run past you.”   
“And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”  
“Do you want me to tongue fuck your ear again?”   
Axl scoffed and laid back down.   
“Alright. Hit me.”   
Kurt laid down so that he and Axl were face to face.   
“How do you feel about living with me?”   
Axl’s brows furrowed slightly.   
“I am living with you.”   
Kurt groaned slightly.   
“No I mean, living with me in our own house. Just me and you without your fucking bandmates.”   
The silence drowned them and Kurt suddenly found his breathing restricted. Axl licked his lips in a nervous manner.   
“That’s a big step. You sure you’re ready?”   
Kurt nodded.   
“I was always ready.”   
Axl put an arm around Kurt’s waist and pulled him closer.  
“We’d annoy the shit out of each other. A lot more than we do now. It’ll be hell.”   
Kurt smiled wide.  
“I know. I’m ready if you are.”   
Axl smiled back and gave his answer in the form of a kiss.


End file.
